Change -

 

We can divide change in to two categories. Either you want something in your life to change or you want something within yourself to change. Of course these two mingle together sometimes but for arguments sake we split them up.

 

So we start with the first on. If you want something in your life to change, mostly the thing you do is; make decisions. So for example you are always tired and that needs to change. You have to make decisions to change this. Like: “I will not go out two nights a week anymore”. That decision is not fun, it is not nice. But not everything that’s good for you is nice so you have to cut the crap here and make the decision so you can grow into that best version of yourself that you crave to be. Ofcourse, sometimes a little bit of help is needed. For example; locking yourself in with a binge watch on Netflix so you can’t go out Friday night seems like a reasonable thing to do the first couple of weeks but that will be enough to change that life event.

 

But If you want something to change within yourself, that’s a different story. If you want yourself to change, deciding isn’t enough. Those deep behavioral patterns are given by us by generational legacy and we developed some along the way and they are fuelled by low self esteem or deep negative convincing statements about ourselves. This is why just deciding to lose weight, start living healthy, stop smoking or drinking isn’t enough. You have to decide, commit and succeed.

 

We know a few things about being human,  one of them is that we tend to live in patterns. So what we do now in a pattern, we are very likely to repeat even if it hurts us. So for example if we fall for bad boys or girls we mysteriously always end up with the bad ones, even if we had decided to stop doing that. If we are overweight like said before, it’s difficult to make that change. or if we have an “all or nothing” life style, it’s damn hard to shake that off as well.

We also know we are pleasure seekers. We always look for a pay off in our behaviour. So take the first example, why do people fall for “bad” asses? You would think there is noting fun about being hurt or played. But somewhere in there is a pay off. It could be a self esteem problem or for example trust issues. By getting involved with the wrong ones they are proving them selves right. “I was right! No one can be trusted” or “i told you i wasnt worth it..”. If you can validate your thoughts in that way, then there is a pay off. You see my point? How ever small or painful the pay off is, there is one. We never develop or maintain a pattern without a pay off being in there. Sometimes the pay offs where important in the past and now they are working against us and it hurts, but still we aren’t able to “simply” change them. by looking deeply into the nature of this behavior and by being completely honest about our part in this (the pay off), we dismantle the pattern and it will lose its power over you. Its all about honesty.

 

So, that’s what the next part is about: Honesty.

You can use the best method in the world, you can hire the best coach on the planet or read the best self help books ever; it still won’t work if you aren’t able to be honest.

It starts with honesty towards yourself. We have to be willing to dive deep within and see those dark parts of ourselves that we normally rather avoid. We need to stare our dark parts right in the face and welcome them with open arms. Because these parts are just as much part of you as the ‘’good’’ parts. And you do this, only to discover that this darkness isnt that dark after all. And believe me, im saying this out of experience as I had a lot of stare downs with darkness, facing it isn’t half as bad as running from it.  

Once we have become honest with ourselves and know what is holding us back and what we are ashamed of; we will share this with someone close to us. a friend, a family member or a coach, that’s your personal choice to be. There is a lot of shame in not being perfect and by sharing our deepest secrets and painful behaviour we transcend this shame. This way the ego cannot use it against you anymore because you took full ownership of it. we shine the light of awareness on it and no darkness can survive in the light.

By doing this, you are accepting yourself completely and fully. Darkness and light, good and bad. Complete acceptance of what is. you have removed the blockage that kept you from changing your behaviours and then.. with the slightest effort, change will happen automatically.

 

Are you willing to do this?